if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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