the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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