She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
