some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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