Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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