she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Mom said you looked used
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
