tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
