you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
