I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
