when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
