If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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