I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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