Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
