My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
