i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
