ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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