Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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