you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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