well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
