New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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