Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
