Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
