at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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