i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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