You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
