cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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