If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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