1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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