All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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