is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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