I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
