dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
