and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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