I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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