Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
