the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Bring me that man meat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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