I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
