im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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