Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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