there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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