i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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