She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
