I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
