Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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