i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
