Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
