you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
