If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The ass gains better be worth it
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