Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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