GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
