Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
