do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
