Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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