Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
