Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
