I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
