Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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