I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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