If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
