what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Damn victory sex feels great
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
