Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
