I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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