Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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