You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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