They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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